Lots of stuff

Since I posted last there has been so much going on.

My fiance was in town for about 10 days. We spent a lot of quality time together including finishing our pre-cana activities and setting the date. I also gave him his own engagement ring, which is actually the One ring. I'm glad he loves it.

I figured out how to get the most important songs off of my iPod and onto the new computer so that I could sync it again.

I bought new shoes, jeans, and a Gir hoodie.

I learned how to eat with chopsticks.

There are a few new games in the house and a new Xbox 360 that the kids seem to be enjoying. Hopefully I'll get to try them sometime soon.

I'm also mildly freaking out about Nanowrimo. I know I can do it if things go right, but I'm worried that I will overthink things and overcorrect my writing, which will impede my progress. There probably won't be many blog posts in November because of this.

Anyway, blessings to everyone and anyone who reads this!

In a year

I have been looking forward to this date. Today I can say, "Only one more year!"

If all goes well, next year on this date I will be marrying my fiance.

It is both exciting and frustrating. Exciting for the obvious reason. But furstrating because I haven't actually set the date with the church yet. The reason is that I know they may tell me I can't set a date until all the paperwork is done. All the paperwork is done on my end. But my fiance hasn't completed his yet. Whenever I ask I hear some excuse and then I feel much frustration.

I don't know what else I can do or say. I know he wants to marry me since he asked me and we both agreed on a date. So why is this not getting done? Yes I have asked and not gotten a decent understandable answer why it has been 4 months without completing it. Is this some guy thing I just can't understand?

Right now I find myself wavering between trust him to get it done and nag him until it's done.

So honey, if you're reading this, please PLEASE get the papers finished!

And I love you.

Being left out

No one likes to be left out, whether it's being left out of an activity or of being the recipient of some important news. When it happens it hurts. It can cause tears and can feel like your heart has been wounded.

I have always tried my best to be fair. I have a large extended family and thus have always valued including everyone in my life as much as possible. To find that others in my family don't value me or others in the family the same way is really painful.

Once when I was a teenager I was very hurt to find out that relatives were going to visit us for a week only the day before they were to arrive. Everyone else had known about this for at least a month, and yet no one had bothered to tell me. It seems that when talking to various family members they had thought they had also talked to me about it. I tried to be as cheerful as possible, but the whole experience was negative for me.

I had hoped that this experience would have been the only one of its kind I would have to endure. Unfortunately I was wrong. Recently another relative and I have been left out of another family member's wedding festivities. No invitation was sent and no information was given even though this occasion has been planned for almost a year. Other relatives have known these details and received invitations. Therefore, it is very hurtful to find that we were left out, either deliberately or as an oversight.

It is hard knowing what to do with this knowledge. I know I should be forgiving, and I am trying to, but it is quite a hard thing to do: to forgive when the feelings of hurt are still so raw and painful. Our family tends to make known the hurt and then brush it off as if it didn't happen. I don't know if I can do that either. My relatives do not read this as far as I know and they will, therefore, not learn of this unless I specifically tell them.

Next year I hope to be married to my wonderful fiance. I plan on inviting everyone that I can in both my and my fiance's families. I can guess that less than half will be attending, but still I do not want to cause the pain I am feeling in everyone else by leaving anyone out.

The wedding of our dreams

I am engaged to be married to a wonderful man. Unfortunately we are both totally broke. Unless something happens and we both become rich before our wedding next year, it is going to be a very modest affair. We will be lucky to have a photographer, or even a reception of any kind. Forget a honeymoon, we will be lucky to have a few nights in a cheap hotel. Nevertheless we both like to dream and imagine what our wedding would be like if money was no object:

1. We would fill the church by flying in all out of town family and friends who are able to come.

2. An all afternoon/evening reception in a banquet hall with loads of food and dancing. (not too loud though)

3. Professional photographer who doesn't use flash (major migraine trigger for me.)

4. A wedding cake of a lifesize Krogan doing DDR!

5. Some cool items from ThinkGeek for favors (such as tactical bacon.)

6. A week long honeymoon in Tokyo with plenty of spending money.

7. Fancy dress/tux for the wedding and fun cosplay outfits for the reception.

8. Video games for all to play at the reception.

9. Dancing lessons for me so I don't kill my husband before the honeymoon (literally.)

10. A professional wedding planner to take care of everything for us.

11. Limos or cool antique cars (with drivers.)

12. Roses everywhere.

13. Professional special educator to help deal with my autistic teens during it all.


I'm sure I've forgotten some things, and it is in no particular order, but I'm really happy that I was able to see these plans in writing even if they will never come true.